A thread on Gateworld.net inspired some post-Continuum (but no spoilers) Daniel/Vala baby!fic...sort of
Daniel Jackson -Pregnancy Fatherhood Journal
Vala insisted that I keep up on my journaling, but while she says it as if it’s just supportive, I have an unhealthy suspicion that she’s sneaking this from my office and giggling over it, maybe even with Sam on their girls’ nights out. It’s not like that would be new though, so I don’t care. Wait, though, now she’ll see this if she really is reading, and...never mind, really, never mind.
Anyway, she did refuse to let me call it my ‘Pregnancy Journal, because she reminded me fiercely that only one person is pregnant and is in no mood to journal it. She’s right, of course, so I changed it. It’s strange, though, thinking of myself as a father, prospective or not. I sort of came to grips with that back with Shifu, but the way that turned out made me forget everything, so I feel like I’m starting from scratch. That’s not a bad thing, though—it’s time to forget the past.
One thing that is really interesting is watching Vala grow pregnant slowly. I don’t remember ever seeing a pregnant woman who wasn’t showing signs, which Vala says is because women don’t like to announce the fact to strangers until they get tired of being thought fat. That makes sense to me...I suppose. But this invisible pregnancy makes things different anyway, not least how Vala is suddenly both sick and hungry in each and every day.
ooooo
Daniel walked sleepily down the corridor to the mess hall, glad that Vala had let him oversleep. He knew that she wasn’t being kept awake by anything yet, so he couldn’t even call it sympathy alertness. Worry, it was probably worry. Vala had nothing to worry about right now, since everything was going well. As he had watched her sleep last night, trying to find a distraction that would aid slumber, her contented smile and hand resting gently on belly had almost done the trick. Almost. Then he had remembered that the Wraith constantly attacked Atlantis, which would make the place definitely out for the family vacation he had planned, so what now?
He was drawn back to mostly-consciousness by the distant sound of Vala’s voice. Another voice was fighting back and forth with it, but he couldn’t recognize it from this far off.
“I don’t care!” Vala said, overwhelming frustration in every word.
“Yes, you do!” countered Dr. Lam firmly.
Daniel entered the mess hall, and saw Vala seated with Dr. Lam towering above her with arms crossed.
“I don’t, really!” said Vala, her hands darting back and forth as she spoke.
“You may not look very pregnant, but it’s just as important now as ever to eat healthily!” Dr. Lam eyed Vala’s platter disapprovingly.
“Hey, I was in the bathroom for three hours this morning, choking down my own stomach bile!” said Vala bluntly. “And thanks to a smidgen of luck, I am now feeling hungry enough for breakfast. I deserve to eat something that tastes good.”
“You need protein!” insisted Dr. Lam. “And salt, and minerals, and a good balanced diet.”
“Fruit, dairy, and starch,” countered Vala, waving a hand over her platter.
“Sticky buns aren’t good starch, ice cream has more sugar than dairy, and since when is Jello fruit?” demanded Dr. Lam.
“It’s strawberry flavored,” said Vala rebelliously.
“I give up, I give up!” said Dr. Lam. “There’s no point in trying to help if it’s unwanted.”
As Daniel still stood blinking, trying to come to a conclusion, the small doctor stormed past him, calling over her shoulder:
“She’s yours, Dr. Jackson! I wash my hands!”
“That’s good, that’s very healthy!” called back Vala.
Daniel sighed, rubbed his eyes, and walked over to sit next to Vala. Eyes virtually scorching the napkin holder in front of her, she slurped down the red Jello with wild abandon and ignored him.
“Hey,” he said, not knowing what else to add.
“Don’t bother, Daniel, I already ate two disgusting eggs and a sausage patty this morning,” said Vala between mouthfuls.
“Oh,” said Daniel, then his brow furrowed. “Did you tell Dr. Lam that?”
“No,” said Vala.
“Why?” asked Daniel.
“None of her business,” said Vala. “She made assumptions.”
Daniel sighed. “Vala, she’s your doctor, she deserves your full confidence.”
“I didn’t have a doctor before, I don’t need one now,” said Vala.
Daniel paused, looking carefully at Vala. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, Daniel, I’m fine,” said Vala, her eyes now cooled. “It doesn’t happen often—things are so different now.”
“Okay,” said Daniel, brushing his fingers lightly through her hair. “Just make sure you take care of yourself.”
Vala scoffed. “Daniel, I’ve seen what I’m supposed to eat in a day, and let me tell you, I feel hungry enough to eat that twice over. But I won’t, because I don’t feel like tormenting myself twice.”
Daniel grinned, and got up to get his own breakfast. Eggs and sausage sounded really good to him at the moment.
ooooo
Well, there’s finally a baby bump, as Cam calls it. Speaking of Cam, he seems awfully attached to our pregnancy. I’m surprised he hasn’t bought us a crib. Yet. Well, I suppose we should be glad it isn’t Jack around the SGC constantly. Teal’c always restrains himself, and Sam apparently isn’t one to go all out, so it’s just Cam. Vala seems to like his enthusiasm—but then, it’s attention for her by proxy. Anyway, since I’m on the subject, the support network is great. Great, meaning that they go off on missions and I’m off duty, and they tell all the good stories and gush over Vala when they come back. I’m not bitter—but I think they’re trying to make me that way.
I don’t miss the action all that much, considering all the artifacts that pour into my office now that I’m there long enough to deal with them before they become even more artifacted. As much as I love SG-1, I’m not meant to be a team member. Explorer, yes, but not on missions where I have to carry a gun. I don’t mind guns, but I’d rather avoid them. So Cam forcing me to stay behind and near Vala was only slightly unwelcome in the beginning, and now I’m looking forward to the next six months.
Vala—well, I’m honestly not sure how she’s really thinking about it all. I’m trusting her to tell me, but my old instincts say that’s dangerous. It’s hard trying to watch her carefully as well as inconspicuously, so she doesn’t lash at me for being overprotective.
ooooo
Vala sat back in the armchair she had gotten two marines to drag to Daniel’s lab. Far be it from her to say that men had to do such things for women, but really, why not let them? It wasn’t as if she couldn’t kick their scrawny military behinds if they got cocky or patronizing. Yes, being a pregnant female had its pros.
Daniel had glanced up as she sat, only to quickly glance down. The light glinted off his glasses, obscuring his eyes, but she had a feeling they were on her. Silly Daniel, thinking she didn’t spend every free moment gazing at his adorable face and would notice where he was looking.
“Mm, Daniel,” she murmured, giving permission for him to look at her freely. “How long are you planning to stay up?”
“Do you need me for something?” he asked, an innocent look on his face.
Oh, so subtle, she thought. “No, but I don’t want to wait around not knowing when or if you will be done.”
“Um, a few hours?” Daniel guessed. “I’m going to try to get to sleep tonight sometime.”
Vala nodded, and nestled back into the soft cushions of the chair. Seeing that his answer had been satisfactory in some way, Daniel went back to his work, the clickety-click of keys sounding quickly for a few bursts, then silence falling, then a burst of clicks, over and over in an almost rhythmic pattern. Vala closed her eyes and examined her own sensations.
She had always assumed that she would go mad very quickly if no longer without tasks to do, and it was probably a good assumption. But unlike her time spent as Tomin’s housewife, she assumed, being pregnant with Daniel’s and her child would be nothing but forced inaction. That was the false assumption. She had no idea that, without other distractions, being pregnant was entertaining on its own. For now, at least—she didn’t remember all these bodily and emotional changes, having been sick with worry and tension the last time.
Her biggest impression now was overwhelmingly warm and cozy feelings, feelings that should have been Sam’s, not hers. Sam wanted the family and kids—Vala just wanted adventure. And family, but not that kind of family, instead the kind that could be left behind and would be there waiting when she returned. Well, this didn’t have to change everything. The little one would just grow up learning how to travel with his mother. That was what baby backpacks were for, right?
Vala cracked her eyes open, and Daniel’s head snapped back to his artifact. She smiled and closed them again. This could be a game if she played it right...
ooooo
Well, it’s been a while, and I think I can safely say that Vala’s fine with the pregnancy, given the way she’s been using it. Am I surprised that she’s playing it up? Or am I more surprised that she’s looking at it so lightly? After what happened with Adria, I expected, I don’t know, something else. I suppose this is different to her. But she’s alternating from staying with me to staying around the commissary to staying around the myriads of people—men and women alike, strangely—who are fascinated with her.
I’ve actually been a little creeped out by it all. I understand the appeal of such a feminine situation to some of the Air Force women who don’t see that at work, and some of them maybe not at all. But the marines? SG team members? All ready and willing to offer their services, or just hang around and marvel. Given a couple stray comments I’ve caught, it sounds like it’s not just the pregnancy, but that it’s mine. Apparently, the nurses in the infirmary have bets on what kind of “special powers” our little one will be born with. Just because I ascended, doesn’t mean—okay, I ascended twice—and yes, I’ve had my consciousness sent into another body, been addicted to a sarcophagus, had weird parasites wrecking with my body... Do I need to be worried? I’ll have to see Dr. Lam about that—I trust that she won’t play a joke on me.
Given the recent developments in the pregnancy, though, it’s good that she has so many willing to help her with anything she needs.
ooooo
“Daniel! Daniel!” A hand was shaking his shoulder, relentlessly pulling him from a quieter, more surreal world. He made a small noise in the back of his throat, and rolled over.
“Vala?” he asked groggily.
“Daniel, I’m sorry to wake you, but I can’t sleep,” she said.
He bolted upright, wide awake. “The baby?”
She grinned at him. “It’s another three months, Daniel—the little sprog’s fine.”
“Oh,” sighed Daniel, dropping back onto the bed like a rock. “What then?”
“I have this—I don’t know, this weird feeling,” she said, poking gently at him to keep him from falling back asleep.
“Mmhmm?”
“And I think I’m hungry.”
Daniel opened his eyes. “You can’t go to the commissary by yourself?”
“No, Daniel, not hungry for that food,” said Vala.
“Oh,” said Daniel, thinking he might have an idea what she meant. “What?”
“Kero lokins,” she said. “I don’t know why, I never reallly liked them that much, but right now the fantasies going through my head are more vivid and desirable than the ones about you, Daniel.”
“Kero lokins?” asked Daniel, blinking and sitting up, trying to be more alert. “What’s the Earth equivalent?”
“There is none,” said Vala. “Actually, there’s no equivalent anywhere, they’re only found on Cobal.”
“What?” asked Daniel.
”I need them, Daniel, or I’m never going to get back to sleep,” said Vala. “Please, could you just make a short trip?”
“Through the Stargate?” asked Daniel incredulously. “Vala, it is 2am and it takes time to approve a mission!”
“Oh, Daniel, you don’t have to be so by-the-book,” Vala said, rubbing his shoulder persuasively. “The only people up there in the gate-room are dreadfully bored, I know they would let you pop out for a quick little trip.”
“You know?” asked Daniel suspiciously.
Vala paused. “Well, because when I tried to persuade them long before, they said maybe if I was an SG-team member, but no—you’re not just any team member, though, you’re from SG-1.”
Daniel closed his eyes tightly shut. “Vala, I don’t even know if we’ve been to Cobal.”
“SG-3 has,” said Vala, rubbing harder to make sure he stayed awake. “I talked to them—it’s a tiny, peaceful world, especially now that the Goa’uld are gone. Daniel, please, I don’t think I can sleep until I have them.”
Daniel moaned, and rolled onto his side away from Vala.
“Please?”
Exhaling, gritting his teeth, he sat up on the edge of the bed.
“Daniel, I promise, I will love you forever,” said Vala, scooting over to plant a small kiss on the back of his neck.
“Yes, you will,” agreed Daniel. He yawned, scratched his head, and stood up to find clothes. This was not how he had planned to spend his night.
ooooo
As Vala grows, and everything is vividly and overtly screaming “pregnant” in my life, I’ve actually been able to get more sleep. Well, usually. But apart from midnight trips for Vala, I’ve fallen asleep regularly. All that worry in the beginning, for some reason it went away the first time I felt her kick. Oh, did I mention we found out it’s a girl? I speculate that knowing she’s alive and kicking instead of just imagining it brought enough security to the situation for my mind to rest.
Which makes me annoyed with my mind, because there were plenty of signs before. I mean, apart from Vala's swelling abdomen, which she calls her “globe of babyness”, and I call just sexy. God, did I just write that? On that note, I suppose in all honesty I should say that there have been other changes that I’ve noticed. Pregnancy is doing Vala well, as much as she sometimes grumbles and declares that she’s become a big blob.
ooooo
“Daniel?” Vala’s long drawl drifted across the room.
Daniel lay back on the bed, still drowsy from the few hours of sleep he’d gotten last night. Thank goodness Walter was familiar with the routine by now, and that gate travel wasn’t exactly like caffeine.
“Daniel, pay attention,” said Vala again.
“Hmm?” asked Daniel, sitting up.
Vala was in front of the mirror, turning from side to side, looking up and down. “I think I’m getting bigger.”
“Yes, very likely. Dr. Lam said it happens fairly quickly.”
“Well, yes, I think she might have mentioned that,” said Vala. “But I had no idea—she’s not due for another two months, and look at me!”
“Well, you should have seen my friend’s wife when she was nine months pregnant with twins,” said Daniel absently. “I was only about twenty-one, and I couldn’t stop staring.”
Vala turned to look at him, a smirk on her mouth. “Well, I’m not sure age had anything to do with that, Daniel dear.”
“Hmm?” asked Daniel, confused.
“I wasn’t talking about the obvious growth,” said Vala, turning back to the mirror. Arching her back and pulling back her shoulders, she wiggled a little from right to left. “Ooh, will these stay after she comes out?”
Flushing horribly red, Daniel realized exactly what she was talking about. “I—um—Vala, I wasn’t even—”
“Daniel, come over here and be unabashedly male—I don’t mind,” said Vala with an amused chuckle.
Feeling a bit humiliated, Daniel obeyed, following her over.
“Well?” asked Vala, modeling for him.
Daniel cleared his throat nervously. “Yes, I had noticed,” he muttered.
“Well, of course,” said Vala. “But will these stay, or is it just a pregnancy thing, like Carolyn told me about the extra hair volume?”
“They’ll get even bigger as the birth draws near,” muttered Daniel, still red and beginning to feel hot as well. “And especially if you nurse her.”
Vala eyed herself in the mirror for a long few seconds, then burst out: “Oh, being fat for all these months was worth it, I just know it!”
“That’s good to hear,” said Daniel, hoping the subject had changed.
Vala turned around, her face shining with glee. “And now, since you obviously don’t find me horribly unattractive,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.
“Oh god, you’ve never been more beautiful,” said Daniel breathlessly, pulling all seven-months-pregnant of her tighly to him.
If Vala had glowed anymore, she would have looked like an halo’d angel. All the tiredness, all the exaustion, had vanished for the moment, and only their two bodies were left, passionate and earnestly melding into one. Who said you couldn’t enjoy pregnancy for more than just the baby?
ooooo
This journal is barely full, and there’s only a few weeks left until the due date. I have never been so undisciplined—what does that bode for my fatherhood? I was never very organized, but at least I did a few things, like work. All I can seem to do now is take care of Vala. I suppose that will be enough, if I can take care of her and the little one at the same time, but it doesn’t feel like it. Will I be able to support them? Will she feel like I’m there, or will I be another absent father added to the world? I know I’ll try, but what if I forget? I mean, I forgot to think about a name for her...
ooooo
“No one told me that you could do it this way,” said Vala, flipping back and forth between the pages. “I always thought you had to wait to see them to properly name them.”
“Yes, well, that was before you could tell the sex of the child before birth,” said Daniel, frowning. “I don’t believe it, thirty-nine weeks and I haven’t thought of anything!”
“Oh don’t worry, I have,” said Vala. “It’s amazing the variety of names on your planet, many of which are not solely properties of your world.”
“Oh really?” asked Daniel a little suspiciously. “What names, exactly, have you been planning for our little girl?”
“Well, I want her to fit in with popular society,” began Vala, and Daniel’s face fell just a little, “so I’ve been scouring the internet for ones that show up regularly.”
“Um Vala, just because Google brings up a lot of responses, doesn’t mean they’re all about separate people,” said Daniel.
“Oh?” said Vala. “So Paris isn’t a popular girl’s name?”
Daniel choked.
”No?” said Vala. “Oh well.”
“What else did you come up with,” asked Daniel wearily, ready to get it over with.
“Avril,” said Vala, checking it off on her finger. Daniel’s face gave her all the answer she needed. “All right, how about Kylie?”
“Vala, I don’t want our daughter to be named after some pop star,” said Daniel.
“So Angelina and Brittany are also out?” asked Vala.
“Yes,” said Daniel firmly.
“Jennifer? Jessica?”
“Um,” said Daniel, tapping his finger and thinking. “Vala, our daughter is unique in so many ways, I don’t want her to feel like she has to blend in with a popular name.”
Vala shrugged. “So an alien name, perhaps?”
“Not that unique,” said Daniel hastily. “She doesn’t need to be teased. Something old enough to be a classic, but not so old that it’s antique.”
“Ooh, like Madonna!” said Vala excitedly.
Daniel paused. “Um, Vala?”
“What?” she asked.
“Never mind—it’s just, that one doesn’t exactly fit the criteria.”
“Well, she kicked me in the ribs when I said it, so she probably agrees with you,” said Vala, shrugging.
“I’m thinking,” said Daniel slowly, “something like Rachel or Emma.”
“Emma, really, Daniel?” said Vala. “And you call yourself a linguist!” she added with a little scoff.
“What? Well, it’s not like she’s going to that planet, come on, Vala!” Daniel protested, but slightly embarrassed all the same. “It’s a perfectly good name on Earth.”
“Rachel is all right, I suppose,” said Vala. “Not my first choice, though.”
“Sharon or Charlotte?” asked Daniel.
“Jane!” said Vala suddenly.
“Jane?” asked Daniel. “As in Plain Jane?”
“No, as in Jane, so I can call her Jenny,” said Vala. “Oh, I like this one, Daniel.”
“I don’t know,” said Daniel. “Jane Jackson?”
Vala frowned. “It’s not horrible.”
“It’s not good, either,” put in Daniel.
“Mary-Jane?” asked Vala.
Daniel winced. “M.J., Vala.”
“Oh, yes,” said Vala disgustedly. “I forgot. Sarah-Jane?”
Daniel opened his mouth to protest, then left it hanging as he thought.
“Does that name mean anything in your world?” asked Vala.
“Well...” said Daniel. “No, not really—I mean, sort of, but not for most people.”
“So it’s good?”
Daniel nodded. “Yeah, actually, it’s good. Sarah-Jane Jackson, though...better, but not quite there.”
“Mm, so she needs a good middle name,” said Vala. “Come on, Daniel, show your stuff!”
“Eva,” said Daniel. “Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson.”
Vala grinned. “Jenny.”
Daniel smiled. “If you like.”
“It’s good.”
“It’s good,” agreed Daniel.
“And especially if she drives her father a little cuckoo,” added Vala. “Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson, you come here right now!” she demonstrated.
“I would never shout like that,” said Daniel.
“Maybe to one who was only yours,” said Vala, eyeing him carefully. “But darling, you are not the only one to contribute to this little one’s personality.”
“Right,” answered Daniel cheekily. “I’d better get started practicing right away.”
“Ooh, Jenny kicked again,” said Vala, wincing and putting a hand on her belly. “I think she’s hungry. Come on, Daniel, and bring us some food!”
ooooo
But with all the advice coming in about not worrying, I might just try taking some of it. Jack and Landry are disturbingly obsessed with giving me long talks about everything I’m facing, so I’ve been trying to find places on the base where they don’t frequent. Thankfully the labs are good for that, so I’ve been able to keep busy. Everyone around is overjoyed and excited, as if they’d never been happier in their lives. Vala, on the other hand, seems to be looking forward to better times, as right now is proving frustrating for her.
ooooo
“Have you seen Vala?” asked Daniel, popping his head into Sam’s lab.
“Um, she left after the baby shower, said her back was feeling sore,” said Sam, fiddling with some tiny wires.
“How long ago was that?”
“A couple hours or so, why?” she answered.
“She usually joins me for lunch in the cafeteria,” said Daniel. “But she’s half-an-hour late, and she’s not in our room.”
“Well, she did mention wanting to try kel’no’reem as a relaxation technique,” Sam offered. “Sorry, though, I don’t know anything else.”
“I’ll try Teal’c’s room, then,” said Daniel. “Thanks, Sam!”
“Oh you won’t thank me once Vala shows you what I gave her,” said Sam mysteriously, grinning widely.
“Okay,” said Daniel, his smile suddenly unsure. “I’ll take that into account.”
“Have fun!” called Sam.
Daniel walked down the halls, hands in pockets, towards Teal’c’s room. Well, not really Teal’c’s, but he was the most frequent user. Technically it was for yoga and meditation as well, and several people on base were fond of the idea of practicing those regularly, even if reality was less than their ideal. But when Daniel quietly opened the door to the room, there were candles lit, but Vala was sitting cross-legged with a book in her lap.
“Hey,” said Daniel.
“Hey,” she answered, looking up.
”Reading yoga books?” asked Daniel.
Vala shrugged. “You mind helping me up? I’ve realized that picking myself up from this position is quite troublesome.”
As Daniel leaned down to offer his arm to Vala, and then leaned back to provide counterweight as she tried to stand up, he began to be suspicious. Troublesome—was that Vala-speak for impossible?
“You don’t read those kind of books,” he said.
Vala looked at him. “Well, I just did.”
“Because it was there,” said Daniel. “Vala, how long have you been waiting for someone to help you up? All you had to do was call for someone.”
“Are you suggesting I was stuck?” said Vala. “Daniel, what made you think such a thing?” Her smile was weak.
“That hasn’t worked on me since the day we met,” said Daniel, looking straight in her eyes.
Vala sighed. “Oh, Daniel, I hate being pregnant.”
“It’ll help if you stick to positions you can get out of,” he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “And anyway, you’re due in two weeks.”
“Yes, thankfully,” said Vala. “Jenny is getting in the way.”
ooooo
I don’t know what I’m going to do. All the excitement has become tension, and I’m not really sure how. Everything’s ready and planned for, and I think that’s the problem, because now there’s nothing to do. Jenny’s being stubborn, and has decided that her parents' and doctor’s idea of ready is not hers. Jack said “Typical,” when I told him that theory—not sympathetic at all. Vala hates him.
ooooo
“It’s not fair,” cried Vala, pacing back and forth. “She said October 12th, and it’s the 20th!”
”It was an estimate—”
“I don’t care!” Vala put her hands under her belly and bent over as much as she could. “Jenny, I don’t care! You are coming out now!”
Daniel rose to come over to her. “Vala, please, calm down.”
“I’m sick of this,” she said, tearing up. “I’m sick of this pregnancy, and I just want this baby out of me.”
“It’ll be over soon, I promise,” said Daniel. “If she doesn’t come soon, they’ll induce the labor.”
“No, Daniel, I want her out now,” said Vala, shaking the tears from her eyes angrily. “I mean it!”
Daniel didn’t answer at first, just held her closer. “Everything’s going to be fine,” he assured her, hands massaging deeply into her shoulders. “Dr. Lam said your hormones are varying wildly, and it will affect the way you see the world and—”
“Daniel, stop it!” Vala spun away from him, purely angry now, all but pushing his hands off her. “Listen! I don’t want you to comfort me, I don’t want to hear what your pathetic puny little male mind thinks I’m going through right now. You don’t, and you never will, and I didn’t ask you to.”
“Well, then, tell me what you do want,” said Daniel almost helplessly.
Vala stood for a moment, her indignation having nowhere to go with Daniel not coming towards her. She breathed out and slumped her shoulders, without words for the moment. Daniel hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. Tears leaked out of her eyes, and she wiped them angrily away and then buried her face in Daniel’s shoulder.
“I’ll be here,” he promised.
“That’s what I want you to do, just be here,” she said.
“Okay, I can do that,” said Daniel.
“And bring me chocolate,” she added with a long sigh.
Daniel smiled as he kissed her dark head. This baby had to come soon for both their sanities!
ooooo
I’m only writing this down because I’ve been told I’ll want to remember it. Vala started labor at about 11pm and it’s 4:37am now. I don’t know how far along the labor is, because I’ve been banished from the delivery room and forced to stay in the company of my oh so helpful friends.
ooooo
“I don’t believe this.” Daniel sunk into a chair.
“Believe it, sunshine,” said Cam, whapping him on the back.
”Don’t do that,” said Daniel, looking over his shoulder to push the hand off.
“Oookay, Cam, he’s testy enough,” said Sam, indicating with her eyes that Cam should sit.
Cam sighed and meandered over to slump onto the long couch with Jack and Sam.
“Childbirth is incredibly stressful on the husband involved,” said Teal’c, sitting in a relaxed pose in another armchair and looking across to Cam. “But he will appreciate the support later.”
“Oh please!” said Sam. “Stressful? You’ve obviously never heard the woman’s point of view!”
“Ah-ah,” said Cam pointedly, raising a finger. “I remember my mom giving me the whole lip-stretched-over-head discussion, and I was traumatized for life.”
“Thank you, Mitchell, for reminding us all of that lovely visual,” said Jack, leaning forward to look around Sam with a roll of his eyes.
“Well really, none of us have experienced childbirth,” said Cam, “so it doesn’t much matter.”
“At least Daniel’s been present at a birth,” said Sam.
“Three, actually,” said Cam. “And delivered at all of them, right?”
“Ah yes, the SG-1 nerd strikes again,” muttered Jack.
“It wasn’t quite like that,” said Daniel, finally acknowledging everyone.
“Want to elaborate, Daniel?” asked Jack. “Because I certainly remember one of these stories.”
“No, I don’t,” said Daniel. “Just—one of the births was incredibly quick, and another was twenty years ago, and she didn’t even recognize that she was in labor until it was very advanced.”
“Still, you caught all the kids,” said Cam. “Wasn’t there some plan to write up a memorial plaque as a tribute to the original SG-1?”
“That was quickly smacked down, yes,” said Sam, not entirely grateful for the change in subject. "Thank god."
“I believe a certain general received many cards of thanks for his help in lobbying against the action,” said Teal’c, raising an eyebrow.
”Nope, I don’t know a thing,” said Jack, his innocent look turned on high.
“But anyway, wasn’t Daniel’s tagline something about ‘immortal explorer’?” said Cam. “I think we should change it to ‘immortal explorer and midwife’ if the proposal ever comes up again.”
“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” admitted Sam.
“You can stop trying to distract me—it’s not working,” said Daniel, head in hands.
“Damn,” muttered Cam.
“We tried,” said Sam with a sigh.
“Come on, Daniel, it’s just birth!” said Jack. “I mean, what’s to get worried about?”
“Do you even know the historical statistics for death during childbirth?” said Daniel.
Jack blinked.
“That was rhetorical, sir, I think,” said Cam helpfully.
“Yes, thank you, Mitchell,” said Jack dryly.
“So Daniel, I never asked, what’s Jenny’s middle name going to be?” asked Sam, making a desperate attempt to live up to the group’s expressed mission of supporting Daniel through the wait.
“Oh, Jenny’s not her name,” said Daniel, sitting up straight as he spoke. “Vala wanted Jenny, but I wanted her to have a full name, so we decided on Sarah-Jane Eva.”
“That’s—nice,” said Jack.
“Sarah-Jane?” said Sam, an almost amused look on her face. “Daniel, you know—I mean—I didn’t realize you were a fan.”
“Whoa, wait,” said Cam, catching her drift. “Sarah-Jane—that’s the old Who gal, right?”
“She’s not named for that!” protested Daniel. “But the other options were Mary-Jane or just Jane. And besides, only a few people will think of the reference anyway.”
“What?” asked Jack, but no one noticed.
“It is a nice name,” said Sam. “It’s just—”
“The kids at school won’t know or care, and that’s all that matters,” said Cam. “You did fine, Jackson.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval,” said Daniel, rolling his eyes a little. He looked up to the clock and exhaled in frustration. Why hadn’t he been called for yet?
ooooo
“Why won’t this end!” groaned Vala through clenched teeth. “God!”
“Okay, Vala, you still can’t push yet,” said Carolyn. “Just hold on a few more minutes—it’s almost over.” She nodded to a nurse, and came up the bed to check on Vala.
“I should never have forgotten how much I hate this,” Vala swore, resting her head back, hair stringy with all the sweat running off her face and into it.
“Okay, let’s not think about that right now,” said Carolyn. “Breathe, Vala, concentrate on something else. Think about Jenny, think about holding her in your arms. That will be good, right?”
”Yes,” said Vala, breathing heavily and clinging to the sheets. “This time I will, this time no one will take her from me.”
”We’ll need to check her vitals,” began Carolyn.
“No!” snapped Vala, opening her eyes and looking directly at Dr. Lam. “Not like last time.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?” asked Carolyn. “Vala, you’ve never indicated that you were having issues with the pregnancy.”
”I didn’t want Daniel analyzing me,” said Vala, gritting her teeth again as another contraction hit hard. “But it’s not like I could forget.”
Carolyn glanced down to the nurse, and they exchanged short hand signals before she turned back to Vala. “Do you miss her, Adria?” asked Carolyn.
”Yes,” said Vala shortly. “Hateful little creature, she was never mine and I’m glad she’s gone, but the part of my mind that doesn’t listen to reason wants my child back.” Again her head fell back on the pillow, emotionally full of torment.
“That’s natural, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” soothed Carolyn. “Vala, this child won’t be the same.”
“I know,” said Vala. “I won’t let her be. She’s mine and Daniel’s, and she’s staying that way.”
Carolyn bit her lip, but seeing the fiery determination in Vala’s strong face, even her will as a doctor had to give in. “All right, Vala, you win.”
Vala opened her eyes again, but said nothing.
Carolyn left Vala’s side. “Vala, it’s almost over. It’s time to push.”
“Finally!” said Vala.
“Should I send for Dr. Jackson now?” asked the nurse.
“No,” said Vala. “This is my birth, no one else’s.”
Carolyn nodded, wondering for a moment if Tomin had been at Vala’s other birth—her desire for Daniel’s absence seemed on the same level as her desire to hold her child immediately once she was born. Vala wanted things to be different. And that child would be here any minute.
ooooo
Jack had dozed off, his grey head flopped back on the sofa cushion. Sam, too, had eyelids that were stubbornly determined to close if she wasn’t actively keeping them open. Cam was there to nudge her when she drifted off, himself a jittery piece of excitement. Teal’c was comfortable.
Daniel was leaning forward in the chair, hands clasped and elbows resting on his knees, chin on hands. Had he been religious, he would have been praying, but instead was focusing all his thoughts on nothing in particular. Vala would be all right, he knew she would. All the good luck so far, and all this help, it would surely counteract their personal ill fortune combined.
They had done it once in the first place, simply coming close enough to confess what they had been hesitant to admit for the past four years. It was becoming a theme for them, metaphorically rolling down a hill and then plateauing in terms of their relationship. Vala had tumbled into his life, stayed around as an irritation he literally couldn’t avoid, and then tumbled into another life. Months later, she was back and he was caught with her in a war that they couldn’t seem to win, and so it stayed for so long. Why, neither had never really articulated, but Tomin and Sha’re had been like shadows on the edge of every interaction until the Ark. And then once again, something indiscernible pushed them over the edge of the cliff into conflict, resolution, and a relationship that led to a child.
Things wouldn’t go bad now—now was the time for the plateau, after all the chaos, some simple family life with nothing interesting. Then Jenny would grow old enough to add her own influence, and who knew how steep the next hill would be. But it would happen, they would reach the edge of that hill.
Then Vala’s agonized cry broke through the relatively sound-proof doors, and Daniel’s heart leapt to his throat. Standing in an instant, he ran to the door, only keeping from opening it by focusing all his willpower.
“Vala?” he called through the wall, not expecting a response.
There was no other sound, and he and everyone else in the room fell silent in expectation. Then, even through the wall, came the frantic jerky cry of a newborn. Jenny—she was born. Daniel’s heart settled back down only to swell with aching love and pride. God, how he wanted to be there! He didn’t know why Vala had not wanted him in the birthing room, but she had promised him as soon as she was finally born...
The door opened nearly in his face, and the nurse jumped as she found Daniel right there.
“Can I?” he asked, trailing off.
She nodded with a grin, and Daniel barely waited until she was out of the way before rushing in.
It was the most disorganized sight he had ever seen. Blood and fluids stained the hospital bedding, and sweat tracks left Vala’s face flushed and shining, her hair plastered in tangled threads on her face. But Daniel didn’t see that. And there was Dr. Lam, cutting the cord and talking quietly to another nurse, while she held up a red-skinned, messy, crying little figure that was his daughter. But Daniel didn’t see that. As Dr. Lam wrapped up little Jenny and brought her to Vala, Daniel saw his family. He could almost believe in a god at this moment, when a real family was finally his to keep after so much waiting and wishing.
“Here, I need to hold her,” said Vala, stretching out her arms, her large eyes wet with tears and warm with love.
“Is everything all right?” asked Daniel, not tearing his eyes away as Dr. Lam came back.
“We’ll have to do more tests later,” said Carolyn, shrugging a little. “But she has ten fingers and ten toes, good color in her skin, and clear lungs.”
“And Vala?” asked Daniel.
“There was a little tearing, but if she keeps to bed for a few days, she should heal up nicely,” said Carolyn.
Daniel didn’t hear all the words, but he understood what they meant. Nodding, he stepped forward to where Vala was cradling Jenny in her arms.
“Daniel,” she said warmly, looking up and stretching out her free arm for him.
He took the final step forward and clasped her hand in his, leaning over to look into his daughter’s face. “She’s beautiful,” he said, a lump in his throat, not caring how sappy he sounded.
“She’s ours,” whispered Vala. “Oh Daniel, I never thought...”
“I had almost lost hope,” answered Daniel. Letting go of Vala’s hand, he sat next to her on the bed, putting his arms protectively around them both.
Jenny, who had been soothed by the presence of her mother, began to complain, and Vala said, marveling, “I think she’s hungry.”
Daniel chuckled, his head resting on Vala’s shoulder. “Impatient for her life to begin—she truly is ours.”
As Vala positioned Jenny so she could feed, Daniel reached around to rest his hand on top of Vala’s, which was cradling Jenny close to her. Vala settled back into Daniel as her most comfortable pillow, her tired body melting willingly into his—and it was more than enough for Daniel to be holding the two most dear to him. All these months, all these final horrendously long hours, all the teasing and ribbing of friends, all of it a distant memory. He was finally and truly a father, and all of his worrying had been for naught.
ooooo
It’s funny, isn’t it, to think how I was writing this journal? I knew nothing when I started, as evident by the title. How could I have thought that one journal could sum up my time as a father? I can never not be one again—it’s part of who I am, not a stage. This journal is so hopelessly bare, and yet I don’t think it should be continued. In hindsight, “Daniel’s Journal About Vala’s Pregnancy” would have been a more accurate title.
Well, I am now officially off SG-1, as is Vala. I’m not sure what I was thinking would happen, but as I didn’t resign earlier, I know I didn’t see this coming.
Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson. We never should have picked such a long name for such a tiny little thing. Vala said that she remembers the first time she ever saw a kitten, when she was quite older because cats were the animals of the gods, and watched it sleep for hours because it was so tiny and fragile she didn’t think it was real. And now she does the same for Jenny because, like me, she can’t remember babies ever being this small before (though Carolyn says eight pounds is quite well-sized).
When Vala finally let Jenny leave her arms, if not her sight, the rest of the team was just as they always have been. Jack commented on how she looks like a Vala/me hybrid with sunburn, but not too bad at all—and Teal’c agreed, even though I heard him mutter something about Ry’ac being a more strikingly handsome infant. I’m not saying Teal’c doesn’t have taste, but really, Jenny’s the most beautiful thing the world has seen, and I don’t think I’m exaggerating. Anyway, Cam immediately started swinging Jenny around while crooning awfully to her (he called it rocking her, but it looked more like he was ready to toss her across the room back to Vala), and when Jack ordered him to stop trying to sing, he began half-whispering all the sorts of evil uncle things he would do to drive me and Vala nuts. I believe him, I really do, especially the stuff about letting her drive too fast in his car. And Sam was a little careful at first, but once she got the hang of it, she and Vala haven’t stopped communing about everything. I think Sam wants a baby too, and I know Cam does now...sort of.
Wasn’t I just writing about the end of this journal? How did that turn into talk about Jenny? Except, I guess, everything revolves around Jenny now. Just another reason why I should truly end this. There’s a whole new life ahead of me, and it deserves its own journal. Everything’s all written down here, though, if I ever want to look back on what it was like before her. I hope that some day she’ll be able to look back at this, and understand just how it happened that I went from being resident head archaeologist of the SGC to father.
The End
Daniel Jackson -
Vala insisted that I keep up on my journaling, but while she says it as if it’s just supportive, I have an unhealthy suspicion that she’s sneaking this from my office and giggling over it, maybe even with Sam on their girls’ nights out. It’s not like that would be new though, so I don’t care. Wait, though, now she’ll see this if she really is reading, and...never mind, really, never mind.
Anyway, she did refuse to let me call it my ‘Pregnancy Journal, because she reminded me fiercely that only one person is pregnant and is in no mood to journal it. She’s right, of course, so I changed it. It’s strange, though, thinking of myself as a father, prospective or not. I sort of came to grips with that back with Shifu, but the way that turned out made me forget everything, so I feel like I’m starting from scratch. That’s not a bad thing, though—it’s time to forget the past.
One thing that is really interesting is watching Vala grow pregnant slowly. I don’t remember ever seeing a pregnant woman who wasn’t showing signs, which Vala says is because women don’t like to announce the fact to strangers until they get tired of being thought fat. That makes sense to me...I suppose. But this invisible pregnancy makes things different anyway, not least how Vala is suddenly both sick and hungry in each and every day.
ooooo
Daniel walked sleepily down the corridor to the mess hall, glad that Vala had let him oversleep. He knew that she wasn’t being kept awake by anything yet, so he couldn’t even call it sympathy alertness. Worry, it was probably worry. Vala had nothing to worry about right now, since everything was going well. As he had watched her sleep last night, trying to find a distraction that would aid slumber, her contented smile and hand resting gently on belly had almost done the trick. Almost. Then he had remembered that the Wraith constantly attacked Atlantis, which would make the place definitely out for the family vacation he had planned, so what now?
He was drawn back to mostly-consciousness by the distant sound of Vala’s voice. Another voice was fighting back and forth with it, but he couldn’t recognize it from this far off.
“I don’t care!” Vala said, overwhelming frustration in every word.
“Yes, you do!” countered Dr. Lam firmly.
Daniel entered the mess hall, and saw Vala seated with Dr. Lam towering above her with arms crossed.
“I don’t, really!” said Vala, her hands darting back and forth as she spoke.
“You may not look very pregnant, but it’s just as important now as ever to eat healthily!” Dr. Lam eyed Vala’s platter disapprovingly.
“Hey, I was in the bathroom for three hours this morning, choking down my own stomach bile!” said Vala bluntly. “And thanks to a smidgen of luck, I am now feeling hungry enough for breakfast. I deserve to eat something that tastes good.”
“You need protein!” insisted Dr. Lam. “And salt, and minerals, and a good balanced diet.”
“Fruit, dairy, and starch,” countered Vala, waving a hand over her platter.
“Sticky buns aren’t good starch, ice cream has more sugar than dairy, and since when is Jello fruit?” demanded Dr. Lam.
“It’s strawberry flavored,” said Vala rebelliously.
“I give up, I give up!” said Dr. Lam. “There’s no point in trying to help if it’s unwanted.”
As Daniel still stood blinking, trying to come to a conclusion, the small doctor stormed past him, calling over her shoulder:
“She’s yours, Dr. Jackson! I wash my hands!”
“That’s good, that’s very healthy!” called back Vala.
Daniel sighed, rubbed his eyes, and walked over to sit next to Vala. Eyes virtually scorching the napkin holder in front of her, she slurped down the red Jello with wild abandon and ignored him.
“Hey,” he said, not knowing what else to add.
“Don’t bother, Daniel, I already ate two disgusting eggs and a sausage patty this morning,” said Vala between mouthfuls.
“Oh,” said Daniel, then his brow furrowed. “Did you tell Dr. Lam that?”
“No,” said Vala.
“Why?” asked Daniel.
“None of her business,” said Vala. “She made assumptions.”
Daniel sighed. “Vala, she’s your doctor, she deserves your full confidence.”
“I didn’t have a doctor before, I don’t need one now,” said Vala.
Daniel paused, looking carefully at Vala. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, Daniel, I’m fine,” said Vala, her eyes now cooled. “It doesn’t happen often—things are so different now.”
“Okay,” said Daniel, brushing his fingers lightly through her hair. “Just make sure you take care of yourself.”
Vala scoffed. “Daniel, I’ve seen what I’m supposed to eat in a day, and let me tell you, I feel hungry enough to eat that twice over. But I won’t, because I don’t feel like tormenting myself twice.”
Daniel grinned, and got up to get his own breakfast. Eggs and sausage sounded really good to him at the moment.
ooooo
Well, there’s finally a baby bump, as Cam calls it. Speaking of Cam, he seems awfully attached to our pregnancy. I’m surprised he hasn’t bought us a crib. Yet. Well, I suppose we should be glad it isn’t Jack around the SGC constantly. Teal’c always restrains himself, and Sam apparently isn’t one to go all out, so it’s just Cam. Vala seems to like his enthusiasm—but then, it’s attention for her by proxy. Anyway, since I’m on the subject, the support network is great. Great, meaning that they go off on missions and I’m off duty, and they tell all the good stories and gush over Vala when they come back. I’m not bitter—but I think they’re trying to make me that way.
I don’t miss the action all that much, considering all the artifacts that pour into my office now that I’m there long enough to deal with them before they become even more artifacted. As much as I love SG-1, I’m not meant to be a team member. Explorer, yes, but not on missions where I have to carry a gun. I don’t mind guns, but I’d rather avoid them. So Cam forcing me to stay behind and near Vala was only slightly unwelcome in the beginning, and now I’m looking forward to the next six months.
Vala—well, I’m honestly not sure how she’s really thinking about it all. I’m trusting her to tell me, but my old instincts say that’s dangerous. It’s hard trying to watch her carefully as well as inconspicuously, so she doesn’t lash at me for being overprotective.
ooooo
Vala sat back in the armchair she had gotten two marines to drag to Daniel’s lab. Far be it from her to say that men had to do such things for women, but really, why not let them? It wasn’t as if she couldn’t kick their scrawny military behinds if they got cocky or patronizing. Yes, being a pregnant female had its pros.
Daniel had glanced up as she sat, only to quickly glance down. The light glinted off his glasses, obscuring his eyes, but she had a feeling they were on her. Silly Daniel, thinking she didn’t spend every free moment gazing at his adorable face and would notice where he was looking.
“Mm, Daniel,” she murmured, giving permission for him to look at her freely. “How long are you planning to stay up?”
“Do you need me for something?” he asked, an innocent look on his face.
Oh, so subtle, she thought. “No, but I don’t want to wait around not knowing when or if you will be done.”
“Um, a few hours?” Daniel guessed. “I’m going to try to get to sleep tonight sometime.”
Vala nodded, and nestled back into the soft cushions of the chair. Seeing that his answer had been satisfactory in some way, Daniel went back to his work, the clickety-click of keys sounding quickly for a few bursts, then silence falling, then a burst of clicks, over and over in an almost rhythmic pattern. Vala closed her eyes and examined her own sensations.
She had always assumed that she would go mad very quickly if no longer without tasks to do, and it was probably a good assumption. But unlike her time spent as Tomin’s housewife, she assumed, being pregnant with Daniel’s and her child would be nothing but forced inaction. That was the false assumption. She had no idea that, without other distractions, being pregnant was entertaining on its own. For now, at least—she didn’t remember all these bodily and emotional changes, having been sick with worry and tension the last time.
Her biggest impression now was overwhelmingly warm and cozy feelings, feelings that should have been Sam’s, not hers. Sam wanted the family and kids—Vala just wanted adventure. And family, but not that kind of family, instead the kind that could be left behind and would be there waiting when she returned. Well, this didn’t have to change everything. The little one would just grow up learning how to travel with his mother. That was what baby backpacks were for, right?
Vala cracked her eyes open, and Daniel’s head snapped back to his artifact. She smiled and closed them again. This could be a game if she played it right...
ooooo
Well, it’s been a while, and I think I can safely say that Vala’s fine with the pregnancy, given the way she’s been using it. Am I surprised that she’s playing it up? Or am I more surprised that she’s looking at it so lightly? After what happened with Adria, I expected, I don’t know, something else. I suppose this is different to her. But she’s alternating from staying with me to staying around the commissary to staying around the myriads of people—men and women alike, strangely—who are fascinated with her.
I’ve actually been a little creeped out by it all. I understand the appeal of such a feminine situation to some of the Air Force women who don’t see that at work, and some of them maybe not at all. But the marines? SG team members? All ready and willing to offer their services, or just hang around and marvel. Given a couple stray comments I’ve caught, it sounds like it’s not just the pregnancy, but that it’s mine. Apparently, the nurses in the infirmary have bets on what kind of “special powers” our little one will be born with. Just because I ascended, doesn’t mean—okay, I ascended twice—and yes, I’ve had my consciousness sent into another body, been addicted to a sarcophagus, had weird parasites wrecking with my body... Do I need to be worried? I’ll have to see Dr. Lam about that—I trust that she won’t play a joke on me.
Given the recent developments in the pregnancy, though, it’s good that she has so many willing to help her with anything she needs.
ooooo
“Daniel! Daniel!” A hand was shaking his shoulder, relentlessly pulling him from a quieter, more surreal world. He made a small noise in the back of his throat, and rolled over.
“Vala?” he asked groggily.
“Daniel, I’m sorry to wake you, but I can’t sleep,” she said.
He bolted upright, wide awake. “The baby?”
She grinned at him. “It’s another three months, Daniel—the little sprog’s fine.”
“Oh,” sighed Daniel, dropping back onto the bed like a rock. “What then?”
“I have this—I don’t know, this weird feeling,” she said, poking gently at him to keep him from falling back asleep.
“Mmhmm?”
“And I think I’m hungry.”
Daniel opened his eyes. “You can’t go to the commissary by yourself?”
“No, Daniel, not hungry for that food,” said Vala.
“Oh,” said Daniel, thinking he might have an idea what she meant. “What?”
“Kero lokins,” she said. “I don’t know why, I never reallly liked them that much, but right now the fantasies going through my head are more vivid and desirable than the ones about you, Daniel.”
“Kero lokins?” asked Daniel, blinking and sitting up, trying to be more alert. “What’s the Earth equivalent?”
“There is none,” said Vala. “Actually, there’s no equivalent anywhere, they’re only found on Cobal.”
“What?” asked Daniel.
”I need them, Daniel, or I’m never going to get back to sleep,” said Vala. “Please, could you just make a short trip?”
“Through the Stargate?” asked Daniel incredulously. “Vala, it is 2am and it takes time to approve a mission!”
“Oh, Daniel, you don’t have to be so by-the-book,” Vala said, rubbing his shoulder persuasively. “The only people up there in the gate-room are dreadfully bored, I know they would let you pop out for a quick little trip.”
“You know?” asked Daniel suspiciously.
Vala paused. “Well, because when I tried to persuade them long before, they said maybe if I was an SG-team member, but no—you’re not just any team member, though, you’re from SG-1.”
Daniel closed his eyes tightly shut. “Vala, I don’t even know if we’ve been to Cobal.”
“SG-3 has,” said Vala, rubbing harder to make sure he stayed awake. “I talked to them—it’s a tiny, peaceful world, especially now that the Goa’uld are gone. Daniel, please, I don’t think I can sleep until I have them.”
Daniel moaned, and rolled onto his side away from Vala.
“Please?”
Exhaling, gritting his teeth, he sat up on the edge of the bed.
“Daniel, I promise, I will love you forever,” said Vala, scooting over to plant a small kiss on the back of his neck.
“Yes, you will,” agreed Daniel. He yawned, scratched his head, and stood up to find clothes. This was not how he had planned to spend his night.
ooooo
As Vala grows, and everything is vividly and overtly screaming “pregnant” in my life, I’ve actually been able to get more sleep. Well, usually. But apart from midnight trips for Vala, I’ve fallen asleep regularly. All that worry in the beginning, for some reason it went away the first time I felt her kick. Oh, did I mention we found out it’s a girl? I speculate that knowing she’s alive and kicking instead of just imagining it brought enough security to the situation for my mind to rest.
Which makes me annoyed with my mind, because there were plenty of signs before. I mean, apart from Vala's swelling abdomen, which she calls her “globe of babyness”, and I call just sexy. God, did I just write that? On that note, I suppose in all honesty I should say that there have been other changes that I’ve noticed. Pregnancy is doing Vala well, as much as she sometimes grumbles and declares that she’s become a big blob.
ooooo
“Daniel?” Vala’s long drawl drifted across the room.
Daniel lay back on the bed, still drowsy from the few hours of sleep he’d gotten last night. Thank goodness Walter was familiar with the routine by now, and that gate travel wasn’t exactly like caffeine.
“Daniel, pay attention,” said Vala again.
“Hmm?” asked Daniel, sitting up.
Vala was in front of the mirror, turning from side to side, looking up and down. “I think I’m getting bigger.”
“Yes, very likely. Dr. Lam said it happens fairly quickly.”
“Well, yes, I think she might have mentioned that,” said Vala. “But I had no idea—she’s not due for another two months, and look at me!”
“Well, you should have seen my friend’s wife when she was nine months pregnant with twins,” said Daniel absently. “I was only about twenty-one, and I couldn’t stop staring.”
Vala turned to look at him, a smirk on her mouth. “Well, I’m not sure age had anything to do with that, Daniel dear.”
“Hmm?” asked Daniel, confused.
“I wasn’t talking about the obvious growth,” said Vala, turning back to the mirror. Arching her back and pulling back her shoulders, she wiggled a little from right to left. “Ooh, will these stay after she comes out?”
Flushing horribly red, Daniel realized exactly what she was talking about. “I—um—Vala, I wasn’t even—”
“Daniel, come over here and be unabashedly male—I don’t mind,” said Vala with an amused chuckle.
Feeling a bit humiliated, Daniel obeyed, following her over.
“Well?” asked Vala, modeling for him.
Daniel cleared his throat nervously. “Yes, I had noticed,” he muttered.
“Well, of course,” said Vala. “But will these stay, or is it just a pregnancy thing, like Carolyn told me about the extra hair volume?”
“They’ll get even bigger as the birth draws near,” muttered Daniel, still red and beginning to feel hot as well. “And especially if you nurse her.”
Vala eyed herself in the mirror for a long few seconds, then burst out: “Oh, being fat for all these months was worth it, I just know it!”
“That’s good to hear,” said Daniel, hoping the subject had changed.
Vala turned around, her face shining with glee. “And now, since you obviously don’t find me horribly unattractive,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.
“Oh god, you’ve never been more beautiful,” said Daniel breathlessly, pulling all seven-months-pregnant of her tighly to him.
If Vala had glowed anymore, she would have looked like an halo’d angel. All the tiredness, all the exaustion, had vanished for the moment, and only their two bodies were left, passionate and earnestly melding into one. Who said you couldn’t enjoy pregnancy for more than just the baby?
ooooo
This journal is barely full, and there’s only a few weeks left until the due date. I have never been so undisciplined—what does that bode for my fatherhood? I was never very organized, but at least I did a few things, like work. All I can seem to do now is take care of Vala. I suppose that will be enough, if I can take care of her and the little one at the same time, but it doesn’t feel like it. Will I be able to support them? Will she feel like I’m there, or will I be another absent father added to the world? I know I’ll try, but what if I forget? I mean, I forgot to think about a name for her...
ooooo
“No one told me that you could do it this way,” said Vala, flipping back and forth between the pages. “I always thought you had to wait to see them to properly name them.”
“Yes, well, that was before you could tell the sex of the child before birth,” said Daniel, frowning. “I don’t believe it, thirty-nine weeks and I haven’t thought of anything!”
“Oh don’t worry, I have,” said Vala. “It’s amazing the variety of names on your planet, many of which are not solely properties of your world.”
“Oh really?” asked Daniel a little suspiciously. “What names, exactly, have you been planning for our little girl?”
“Well, I want her to fit in with popular society,” began Vala, and Daniel’s face fell just a little, “so I’ve been scouring the internet for ones that show up regularly.”
“Um Vala, just because Google brings up a lot of responses, doesn’t mean they’re all about separate people,” said Daniel.
“Oh?” said Vala. “So Paris isn’t a popular girl’s name?”
Daniel choked.
”No?” said Vala. “Oh well.”
“What else did you come up with,” asked Daniel wearily, ready to get it over with.
“Avril,” said Vala, checking it off on her finger. Daniel’s face gave her all the answer she needed. “All right, how about Kylie?”
“Vala, I don’t want our daughter to be named after some pop star,” said Daniel.
“So Angelina and Brittany are also out?” asked Vala.
“Yes,” said Daniel firmly.
“Jennifer? Jessica?”
“Um,” said Daniel, tapping his finger and thinking. “Vala, our daughter is unique in so many ways, I don’t want her to feel like she has to blend in with a popular name.”
Vala shrugged. “So an alien name, perhaps?”
“Not that unique,” said Daniel hastily. “She doesn’t need to be teased. Something old enough to be a classic, but not so old that it’s antique.”
“Ooh, like Madonna!” said Vala excitedly.
Daniel paused. “Um, Vala?”
“What?” she asked.
“Never mind—it’s just, that one doesn’t exactly fit the criteria.”
“Well, she kicked me in the ribs when I said it, so she probably agrees with you,” said Vala, shrugging.
“I’m thinking,” said Daniel slowly, “something like Rachel or Emma.”
“Emma, really, Daniel?” said Vala. “And you call yourself a linguist!” she added with a little scoff.
“What? Well, it’s not like she’s going to that planet, come on, Vala!” Daniel protested, but slightly embarrassed all the same. “It’s a perfectly good name on Earth.”
“Rachel is all right, I suppose,” said Vala. “Not my first choice, though.”
“Sharon or Charlotte?” asked Daniel.
“Jane!” said Vala suddenly.
“Jane?” asked Daniel. “As in Plain Jane?”
“No, as in Jane, so I can call her Jenny,” said Vala. “Oh, I like this one, Daniel.”
“I don’t know,” said Daniel. “Jane Jackson?”
Vala frowned. “It’s not horrible.”
“It’s not good, either,” put in Daniel.
“Mary-Jane?” asked Vala.
Daniel winced. “M.J., Vala.”
“Oh, yes,” said Vala disgustedly. “I forgot. Sarah-Jane?”
Daniel opened his mouth to protest, then left it hanging as he thought.
“Does that name mean anything in your world?” asked Vala.
“Well...” said Daniel. “No, not really—I mean, sort of, but not for most people.”
“So it’s good?”
Daniel nodded. “Yeah, actually, it’s good. Sarah-Jane Jackson, though...better, but not quite there.”
“Mm, so she needs a good middle name,” said Vala. “Come on, Daniel, show your stuff!”
“Eva,” said Daniel. “Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson.”
Vala grinned. “Jenny.”
Daniel smiled. “If you like.”
“It’s good.”
“It’s good,” agreed Daniel.
“And especially if she drives her father a little cuckoo,” added Vala. “Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson, you come here right now!” she demonstrated.
“I would never shout like that,” said Daniel.
“Maybe to one who was only yours,” said Vala, eyeing him carefully. “But darling, you are not the only one to contribute to this little one’s personality.”
“Right,” answered Daniel cheekily. “I’d better get started practicing right away.”
“Ooh, Jenny kicked again,” said Vala, wincing and putting a hand on her belly. “I think she’s hungry. Come on, Daniel, and bring us some food!”
ooooo
But with all the advice coming in about not worrying, I might just try taking some of it. Jack and Landry are disturbingly obsessed with giving me long talks about everything I’m facing, so I’ve been trying to find places on the base where they don’t frequent. Thankfully the labs are good for that, so I’ve been able to keep busy. Everyone around is overjoyed and excited, as if they’d never been happier in their lives. Vala, on the other hand, seems to be looking forward to better times, as right now is proving frustrating for her.
ooooo
“Have you seen Vala?” asked Daniel, popping his head into Sam’s lab.
“Um, she left after the baby shower, said her back was feeling sore,” said Sam, fiddling with some tiny wires.
“How long ago was that?”
“A couple hours or so, why?” she answered.
“She usually joins me for lunch in the cafeteria,” said Daniel. “But she’s half-an-hour late, and she’s not in our room.”
“Well, she did mention wanting to try kel’no’reem as a relaxation technique,” Sam offered. “Sorry, though, I don’t know anything else.”
“I’ll try Teal’c’s room, then,” said Daniel. “Thanks, Sam!”
“Oh you won’t thank me once Vala shows you what I gave her,” said Sam mysteriously, grinning widely.
“Okay,” said Daniel, his smile suddenly unsure. “I’ll take that into account.”
“Have fun!” called Sam.
Daniel walked down the halls, hands in pockets, towards Teal’c’s room. Well, not really Teal’c’s, but he was the most frequent user. Technically it was for yoga and meditation as well, and several people on base were fond of the idea of practicing those regularly, even if reality was less than their ideal. But when Daniel quietly opened the door to the room, there were candles lit, but Vala was sitting cross-legged with a book in her lap.
“Hey,” said Daniel.
“Hey,” she answered, looking up.
”Reading yoga books?” asked Daniel.
Vala shrugged. “You mind helping me up? I’ve realized that picking myself up from this position is quite troublesome.”
As Daniel leaned down to offer his arm to Vala, and then leaned back to provide counterweight as she tried to stand up, he began to be suspicious. Troublesome—was that Vala-speak for impossible?
“You don’t read those kind of books,” he said.
Vala looked at him. “Well, I just did.”
“Because it was there,” said Daniel. “Vala, how long have you been waiting for someone to help you up? All you had to do was call for someone.”
“Are you suggesting I was stuck?” said Vala. “Daniel, what made you think such a thing?” Her smile was weak.
“That hasn’t worked on me since the day we met,” said Daniel, looking straight in her eyes.
Vala sighed. “Oh, Daniel, I hate being pregnant.”
“It’ll help if you stick to positions you can get out of,” he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “And anyway, you’re due in two weeks.”
“Yes, thankfully,” said Vala. “Jenny is getting in the way.”
ooooo
I don’t know what I’m going to do. All the excitement has become tension, and I’m not really sure how. Everything’s ready and planned for, and I think that’s the problem, because now there’s nothing to do. Jenny’s being stubborn, and has decided that her parents' and doctor’s idea of ready is not hers. Jack said “Typical,” when I told him that theory—not sympathetic at all. Vala hates him.
ooooo
“It’s not fair,” cried Vala, pacing back and forth. “She said October 12th, and it’s the 20th!”
”It was an estimate—”
“I don’t care!” Vala put her hands under her belly and bent over as much as she could. “Jenny, I don’t care! You are coming out now!”
Daniel rose to come over to her. “Vala, please, calm down.”
“I’m sick of this,” she said, tearing up. “I’m sick of this pregnancy, and I just want this baby out of me.”
“It’ll be over soon, I promise,” said Daniel. “If she doesn’t come soon, they’ll induce the labor.”
“No, Daniel, I want her out now,” said Vala, shaking the tears from her eyes angrily. “I mean it!”
Daniel didn’t answer at first, just held her closer. “Everything’s going to be fine,” he assured her, hands massaging deeply into her shoulders. “Dr. Lam said your hormones are varying wildly, and it will affect the way you see the world and—”
“Daniel, stop it!” Vala spun away from him, purely angry now, all but pushing his hands off her. “Listen! I don’t want you to comfort me, I don’t want to hear what your pathetic puny little male mind thinks I’m going through right now. You don’t, and you never will, and I didn’t ask you to.”
“Well, then, tell me what you do want,” said Daniel almost helplessly.
Vala stood for a moment, her indignation having nowhere to go with Daniel not coming towards her. She breathed out and slumped her shoulders, without words for the moment. Daniel hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. Tears leaked out of her eyes, and she wiped them angrily away and then buried her face in Daniel’s shoulder.
“I’ll be here,” he promised.
“That’s what I want you to do, just be here,” she said.
“Okay, I can do that,” said Daniel.
“And bring me chocolate,” she added with a long sigh.
Daniel smiled as he kissed her dark head. This baby had to come soon for both their sanities!
ooooo
I’m only writing this down because I’ve been told I’ll want to remember it. Vala started labor at about 11pm and it’s 4:37am now. I don’t know how far along the labor is, because I’ve been banished from the delivery room and forced to stay in the company of my oh so helpful friends.
ooooo
“I don’t believe this.” Daniel sunk into a chair.
“Believe it, sunshine,” said Cam, whapping him on the back.
”Don’t do that,” said Daniel, looking over his shoulder to push the hand off.
“Oookay, Cam, he’s testy enough,” said Sam, indicating with her eyes that Cam should sit.
Cam sighed and meandered over to slump onto the long couch with Jack and Sam.
“Childbirth is incredibly stressful on the husband involved,” said Teal’c, sitting in a relaxed pose in another armchair and looking across to Cam. “But he will appreciate the support later.”
“Oh please!” said Sam. “Stressful? You’ve obviously never heard the woman’s point of view!”
“Ah-ah,” said Cam pointedly, raising a finger. “I remember my mom giving me the whole lip-stretched-over-head discussion, and I was traumatized for life.”
“Thank you, Mitchell, for reminding us all of that lovely visual,” said Jack, leaning forward to look around Sam with a roll of his eyes.
“Well really, none of us have experienced childbirth,” said Cam, “so it doesn’t much matter.”
“At least Daniel’s been present at a birth,” said Sam.
“Three, actually,” said Cam. “And delivered at all of them, right?”
“Ah yes, the SG-1 nerd strikes again,” muttered Jack.
“It wasn’t quite like that,” said Daniel, finally acknowledging everyone.
“Want to elaborate, Daniel?” asked Jack. “Because I certainly remember one of these stories.”
“No, I don’t,” said Daniel. “Just—one of the births was incredibly quick, and another was twenty years ago, and she didn’t even recognize that she was in labor until it was very advanced.”
“Still, you caught all the kids,” said Cam. “Wasn’t there some plan to write up a memorial plaque as a tribute to the original SG-1?”
“That was quickly smacked down, yes,” said Sam, not entirely grateful for the change in subject. "Thank god."
“I believe a certain general received many cards of thanks for his help in lobbying against the action,” said Teal’c, raising an eyebrow.
”Nope, I don’t know a thing,” said Jack, his innocent look turned on high.
“But anyway, wasn’t Daniel’s tagline something about ‘immortal explorer’?” said Cam. “I think we should change it to ‘immortal explorer and midwife’ if the proposal ever comes up again.”
“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” admitted Sam.
“You can stop trying to distract me—it’s not working,” said Daniel, head in hands.
“Damn,” muttered Cam.
“We tried,” said Sam with a sigh.
“Come on, Daniel, it’s just birth!” said Jack. “I mean, what’s to get worried about?”
“Do you even know the historical statistics for death during childbirth?” said Daniel.
Jack blinked.
“That was rhetorical, sir, I think,” said Cam helpfully.
“Yes, thank you, Mitchell,” said Jack dryly.
“So Daniel, I never asked, what’s Jenny’s middle name going to be?” asked Sam, making a desperate attempt to live up to the group’s expressed mission of supporting Daniel through the wait.
“Oh, Jenny’s not her name,” said Daniel, sitting up straight as he spoke. “Vala wanted Jenny, but I wanted her to have a full name, so we decided on Sarah-Jane Eva.”
“That’s—nice,” said Jack.
“Sarah-Jane?” said Sam, an almost amused look on her face. “Daniel, you know—I mean—I didn’t realize you were a fan.”
“Whoa, wait,” said Cam, catching her drift. “Sarah-Jane—that’s the old Who gal, right?”
“She’s not named for that!” protested Daniel. “But the other options were Mary-Jane or just Jane. And besides, only a few people will think of the reference anyway.”
“What?” asked Jack, but no one noticed.
“It is a nice name,” said Sam. “It’s just—”
“The kids at school won’t know or care, and that’s all that matters,” said Cam. “You did fine, Jackson.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t looking for anyone’s approval,” said Daniel, rolling his eyes a little. He looked up to the clock and exhaled in frustration. Why hadn’t he been called for yet?
ooooo
“Why won’t this end!” groaned Vala through clenched teeth. “God!”
“Okay, Vala, you still can’t push yet,” said Carolyn. “Just hold on a few more minutes—it’s almost over.” She nodded to a nurse, and came up the bed to check on Vala.
“I should never have forgotten how much I hate this,” Vala swore, resting her head back, hair stringy with all the sweat running off her face and into it.
“Okay, let’s not think about that right now,” said Carolyn. “Breathe, Vala, concentrate on something else. Think about Jenny, think about holding her in your arms. That will be good, right?”
”Yes,” said Vala, breathing heavily and clinging to the sheets. “This time I will, this time no one will take her from me.”
”We’ll need to check her vitals,” began Carolyn.
“No!” snapped Vala, opening her eyes and looking directly at Dr. Lam. “Not like last time.”
“Is that what’s bothering you?” asked Carolyn. “Vala, you’ve never indicated that you were having issues with the pregnancy.”
”I didn’t want Daniel analyzing me,” said Vala, gritting her teeth again as another contraction hit hard. “But it’s not like I could forget.”
Carolyn glanced down to the nurse, and they exchanged short hand signals before she turned back to Vala. “Do you miss her, Adria?” asked Carolyn.
”Yes,” said Vala shortly. “Hateful little creature, she was never mine and I’m glad she’s gone, but the part of my mind that doesn’t listen to reason wants my child back.” Again her head fell back on the pillow, emotionally full of torment.
“That’s natural, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” soothed Carolyn. “Vala, this child won’t be the same.”
“I know,” said Vala. “I won’t let her be. She’s mine and Daniel’s, and she’s staying that way.”
Carolyn bit her lip, but seeing the fiery determination in Vala’s strong face, even her will as a doctor had to give in. “All right, Vala, you win.”
Vala opened her eyes again, but said nothing.
Carolyn left Vala’s side. “Vala, it’s almost over. It’s time to push.”
“Finally!” said Vala.
“Should I send for Dr. Jackson now?” asked the nurse.
“No,” said Vala. “This is my birth, no one else’s.”
Carolyn nodded, wondering for a moment if Tomin had been at Vala’s other birth—her desire for Daniel’s absence seemed on the same level as her desire to hold her child immediately once she was born. Vala wanted things to be different. And that child would be here any minute.
ooooo
Jack had dozed off, his grey head flopped back on the sofa cushion. Sam, too, had eyelids that were stubbornly determined to close if she wasn’t actively keeping them open. Cam was there to nudge her when she drifted off, himself a jittery piece of excitement. Teal’c was comfortable.
Daniel was leaning forward in the chair, hands clasped and elbows resting on his knees, chin on hands. Had he been religious, he would have been praying, but instead was focusing all his thoughts on nothing in particular. Vala would be all right, he knew she would. All the good luck so far, and all this help, it would surely counteract their personal ill fortune combined.
They had done it once in the first place, simply coming close enough to confess what they had been hesitant to admit for the past four years. It was becoming a theme for them, metaphorically rolling down a hill and then plateauing in terms of their relationship. Vala had tumbled into his life, stayed around as an irritation he literally couldn’t avoid, and then tumbled into another life. Months later, she was back and he was caught with her in a war that they couldn’t seem to win, and so it stayed for so long. Why, neither had never really articulated, but Tomin and Sha’re had been like shadows on the edge of every interaction until the Ark. And then once again, something indiscernible pushed them over the edge of the cliff into conflict, resolution, and a relationship that led to a child.
Things wouldn’t go bad now—now was the time for the plateau, after all the chaos, some simple family life with nothing interesting. Then Jenny would grow old enough to add her own influence, and who knew how steep the next hill would be. But it would happen, they would reach the edge of that hill.
Then Vala’s agonized cry broke through the relatively sound-proof doors, and Daniel’s heart leapt to his throat. Standing in an instant, he ran to the door, only keeping from opening it by focusing all his willpower.
“Vala?” he called through the wall, not expecting a response.
There was no other sound, and he and everyone else in the room fell silent in expectation. Then, even through the wall, came the frantic jerky cry of a newborn. Jenny—she was born. Daniel’s heart settled back down only to swell with aching love and pride. God, how he wanted to be there! He didn’t know why Vala had not wanted him in the birthing room, but she had promised him as soon as she was finally born...
The door opened nearly in his face, and the nurse jumped as she found Daniel right there.
“Can I?” he asked, trailing off.
She nodded with a grin, and Daniel barely waited until she was out of the way before rushing in.
It was the most disorganized sight he had ever seen. Blood and fluids stained the hospital bedding, and sweat tracks left Vala’s face flushed and shining, her hair plastered in tangled threads on her face. But Daniel didn’t see that. And there was Dr. Lam, cutting the cord and talking quietly to another nurse, while she held up a red-skinned, messy, crying little figure that was his daughter. But Daniel didn’t see that. As Dr. Lam wrapped up little Jenny and brought her to Vala, Daniel saw his family. He could almost believe in a god at this moment, when a real family was finally his to keep after so much waiting and wishing.
“Here, I need to hold her,” said Vala, stretching out her arms, her large eyes wet with tears and warm with love.
“Is everything all right?” asked Daniel, not tearing his eyes away as Dr. Lam came back.
“We’ll have to do more tests later,” said Carolyn, shrugging a little. “But she has ten fingers and ten toes, good color in her skin, and clear lungs.”
“And Vala?” asked Daniel.
“There was a little tearing, but if she keeps to bed for a few days, she should heal up nicely,” said Carolyn.
Daniel didn’t hear all the words, but he understood what they meant. Nodding, he stepped forward to where Vala was cradling Jenny in her arms.
“Daniel,” she said warmly, looking up and stretching out her free arm for him.
He took the final step forward and clasped her hand in his, leaning over to look into his daughter’s face. “She’s beautiful,” he said, a lump in his throat, not caring how sappy he sounded.
“She’s ours,” whispered Vala. “Oh Daniel, I never thought...”
“I had almost lost hope,” answered Daniel. Letting go of Vala’s hand, he sat next to her on the bed, putting his arms protectively around them both.
Jenny, who had been soothed by the presence of her mother, began to complain, and Vala said, marveling, “I think she’s hungry.”
Daniel chuckled, his head resting on Vala’s shoulder. “Impatient for her life to begin—she truly is ours.”
As Vala positioned Jenny so she could feed, Daniel reached around to rest his hand on top of Vala’s, which was cradling Jenny close to her. Vala settled back into Daniel as her most comfortable pillow, her tired body melting willingly into his—and it was more than enough for Daniel to be holding the two most dear to him. All these months, all these final horrendously long hours, all the teasing and ribbing of friends, all of it a distant memory. He was finally and truly a father, and all of his worrying had been for naught.
ooooo
It’s funny, isn’t it, to think how I was writing this journal? I knew nothing when I started, as evident by the title. How could I have thought that one journal could sum up my time as a father? I can never not be one again—it’s part of who I am, not a stage. This journal is so hopelessly bare, and yet I don’t think it should be continued. In hindsight, “Daniel’s Journal About Vala’s Pregnancy” would have been a more accurate title.
Well, I am now officially off SG-1, as is Vala. I’m not sure what I was thinking would happen, but as I didn’t resign earlier, I know I didn’t see this coming.
Sarah-Jane Eva Jackson. We never should have picked such a long name for such a tiny little thing. Vala said that she remembers the first time she ever saw a kitten, when she was quite older because cats were the animals of the gods, and watched it sleep for hours because it was so tiny and fragile she didn’t think it was real. And now she does the same for Jenny because, like me, she can’t remember babies ever being this small before (though Carolyn says eight pounds is quite well-sized).
When Vala finally let Jenny leave her arms, if not her sight, the rest of the team was just as they always have been. Jack commented on how she looks like a Vala/me hybrid with sunburn, but not too bad at all—and Teal’c agreed, even though I heard him mutter something about Ry’ac being a more strikingly handsome infant. I’m not saying Teal’c doesn’t have taste, but really, Jenny’s the most beautiful thing the world has seen, and I don’t think I’m exaggerating. Anyway, Cam immediately started swinging Jenny around while crooning awfully to her (he called it rocking her, but it looked more like he was ready to toss her across the room back to Vala), and when Jack ordered him to stop trying to sing, he began half-whispering all the sorts of evil uncle things he would do to drive me and Vala nuts. I believe him, I really do, especially the stuff about letting her drive too fast in his car. And Sam was a little careful at first, but once she got the hang of it, she and Vala haven’t stopped communing about everything. I think Sam wants a baby too, and I know Cam does now...sort of.
Wasn’t I just writing about the end of this journal? How did that turn into talk about Jenny? Except, I guess, everything revolves around Jenny now. Just another reason why I should truly end this. There’s a whole new life ahead of me, and it deserves its own journal. Everything’s all written down here, though, if I ever want to look back on what it was like before her. I hope that some day she’ll be able to look back at this, and understand just how it happened that I went from being resident head archaeologist of the SGC to father.
The End
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